Saturday, November 19, 2011

Can Haz Cardboard Box Under Bridge

This is going to be very scattered because I am very scattered so if you're looking for anything resembling structure I suggest you look at a bridge or something.  So, basically, things are pretty lame.  Yay, optimism!  Seriously, that's me being optimistic.  Wee bit lame.  Tiny bit annoying.  Smidgen inconvenient.  Generally godawful.

Since my last genuinely optimistic blog I discovered that the super-amazing-awesome salon I'm working at has a booth rental fee equal to my car payment due once a month whether I've worked my booty off or had zero clients.  Where as before I was miserable but paying a part time option that was totally reasonable, I'm now paying a zillion dollars to be more miserable because I'm broke plus whenever I walk into work the other stylists look at me like I've grown a third head or don't look at me at all.  Not sure which is worse.

And when I tell you I'm broke I realize that it is a first-world kinda problem.  I have a roof over my head and Ramen in my belly and the internet ablaze before my eyes.  Actually, there's a good chance I'm going to loose my home.  Yeah.  One of the slightly more wrist-slitty thoughts but reality is reality.  I simply can't afford this nice roof over my head.  My mom has helped me out tremendously this month and without her I know I'd never have been able to be where I am for as long as I've been here, but my dad has quit his job and while he's still bringing in money, it's not like it used to be.  Even if I removed every bit of extravagance that keeps me sane- my computer, satellite, phone- I still wouldn't be able to pull it off.  So while the thought sickens me and brings me to tears, I am going to have to start seriously thinking about moving back to my parents.  At 28.  Yup.  I do believe I'm owed one "Looser" badge.  I can get those by the door?  Fantastic.  I hope they're free.

At least the relationship is going well!  Oh, wait!  No it's not!  Give me your opinion here, if you will.  Let's take this week for example.  He, the boyfriend, spends all day hanging out with his aunt and cousin.  Of course, he doesn't have a job and while he could've spent that time applying at different locations he has to, ya know, hang out with his relatives and drink coffee and smoke all day.  So he rolls in, sometimes, when I get off work around 5 or 6, and sits with me to watch some TV or whatever.  Cool.  Then he has to leave after about an hour of that to, ya know, hang out with his aunt and his cousin until about 10:30 or 11 at night when he rolls back in to fall into bed, have sex, and fall asleep.  In the morning I wake up, quietly, get dressed, quietly, and go to work, quietly, while he has a nice long sleep because he's had such a Terribly Difficult Week.  Is it just me or does it sound like I'm being used as a room and board and booty situation.

Mind you, the booty is really.... really.... -ahem-


Silver lining there I suppose.  Also, I still have the most amazing set of friends on the planet and while we don't get to speak as much as we like, I know that when it's two in the morning and I'm ready to shoot myself at least one of them will be online to talk me off of a ledge.  One will goad me into writing when I really dun wanna.  And the other will be more supportive of me than the best pair of Spanx ever invented.  Even those kind that are head-to-toe though I've always wondered where all the extra fat goes when it's squeezed down.  Do your toes explode?

Things could be worse.  I always say that then things prove me correct.  Why yes, yes we can be worse.  Would you like us to continue?  No?  Ah well, fuck you, take this, you whore.  Bazinga!

I'm also drafting a Hairstyler's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse.  I may do it in several parts or one gigantic novel depending on my state of mind.  So look forward to that!  And as always, best wishes.  Mr. Fluffy says hai too.  "CAN HAZ HAIS!" See.  Told ya.   



  1. On the sunny side, hairstylists and economists report that in this tense economy folks are not cutting back on looking good. If anything, folks want to look better to keep their jobs or to find jobs.

    Also, lots of folks are moving back in with parents, so it is a common, though often hidden phenomenon. If your parents are where you got a goodly fraction of your coolness and emotional honesty from, it might not be too bad. If you evolved those qualities on your own without their help, even more power to can conquer and overcome anything.

    Chances are, the other stylists might be thinking the same thing of you as you are of them. Chances are, they are knitting their brows because they forgot to put out the garbage that morning. Chances are, they are looking cross-eyed because they forgot to put that bill into the mail this morning and are squint-calculating if they can avoid late fees. (I identify a lot with paranoid people, being one myself.) But if you can come away from every interaction with doing your part in making the interaction a positive one, you'll feel better and ditch any guilt or shrink chances for misunderstanding.

  2. By the way, you still have your great sense of humor and cheek, which nobody can take away from you.

    And yes, you really should write a Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse because whatever you write has been gripping, immediate, and readable.

    It's too bad you are not in my neighborhood because I want some electric blue streaks (like the magenta ones at right) in my hair so I can freak out my kid when she comes home for Xmas. As a parent, I'm getting to be much too predictable.

  3. "I have a roof over my head and Ramen in my belly." Priceless.

  4. Awwww CrazyColorist!!

    My 40 year old step-brother is currently living with my dad and step-mom and my 65 year old cousin is moving in with them indefinitely! My sister and her husband are chronically unemployed and can't find work and are trying to keep their house too. It's a sad sign of the times, not a reflection of your failures. And if your parents are cool, maybe it will be cozy and fun? If you lived near me, I'd be seeing you every month for my roots. Women always want to look good; from what I hear, they ain't cuttin' back on that. I'm going through a tough time myself with terribly frustrating health problems and a disastrous family finance problem caused by an errant brother-in-law who lost more than half of my widowed mother-in-law's money gambling in the stock market behind our backs. So I feel your pain; you are not alone. These are very tough times. You are NOT a loser. Hang in there. You are still so young.
    As for the boyfriend, good s*x is good s*x. You don't have to marry him. :-)

  5. Oh, my dearest CrazyColorist. Moving back to live with one's parents has become quite a trend in today's economy, it is no reflection on your abilities. I can tell you that if you lived in the Portland, OR area, I would surely have you be my colorist/stylist. I would tell all my friends about you, too.

    A few years ago I had my daughter, son-in-law & grandson living with me for several months after they moved back to this area. They needed time to build up their finances in order to get their own place. You know, there are many cultures (including some in the U.S.) in which it is common place for extended families to live together, in fact it is the norm.

    As for the boyfriend, well…. I've had a couple of relationships that, in retrospect, really were just about the great s*x & good company. Those weren't the long term keepers, though.

    So, no worries, my dear. All will work out. Be gentle with yourself.

  6. CC - haven't posted comments before, but felt compelled to this time. As has already been said above, your situation does not justify the 'loser' moniker; you're just a victim of the tough times that your generation is coming of age into. I know that doesn't diminish your pain and general displeasure with the situation, but it does help explain it. You know, character-building and all that, blah, blah, blah. A good thing is that your writing about your life - the good parts AND the not-so-good parts - is fun to read! I have to say that if your life was all peaches and cream it probably wouldn't be half as fun and interesting to read about ... silver lining, maybe? Keep your pretty chin up; remember - it gets better (yes, even for straight people!)

  7. I want to second the part about writing good and bad times, and it being run to read. One day you'll look back on near-homeless, moving in with parents era years in the future from your posh lifestyle with bathtubs full of money and go "oh, the struggles of my youth, how full of folly I was indeed".

    You can sell the boyfriends organs to help secure your house. Think of it this way; he doesn't need both kidneys. Maybe you can gently suggest that perchance, a job or career or hobby (besides chilling) would be beneficial for personal growth? Or for being allowed back in your vagina? Unless he takes up tractor racing, then I dunno what to tell you...

    I look forward to your gigantic guide of zombie survival.

    I wish I could offer more words of support, except that toiling is good for the soul. Its the stuff that good writers and interesting people are made of. You're a harder worker though, so I know that you'll make it through whatever strange hurricane of events that life throws at you. Until then, kidneys! Think on it.