Saturday, November 19, 2011

Can Haz Cardboard Box Under Bridge

This is going to be very scattered because I am very scattered so if you're looking for anything resembling structure I suggest you look at a bridge or something.  So, basically, things are pretty lame.  Yay, optimism!  Seriously, that's me being optimistic.  Wee bit lame.  Tiny bit annoying.  Smidgen inconvenient.  Generally godawful.

Since my last genuinely optimistic blog I discovered that the super-amazing-awesome salon I'm working at has a booth rental fee equal to my car payment due once a month whether I've worked my booty off or had zero clients.  Where as before I was miserable but paying a part time option that was totally reasonable, I'm now paying a zillion dollars to be more miserable because I'm broke plus whenever I walk into work the other stylists look at me like I've grown a third head or don't look at me at all.  Not sure which is worse.

And when I tell you I'm broke I realize that it is a first-world kinda problem.  I have a roof over my head and Ramen in my belly and the internet ablaze before my eyes.  Actually, there's a good chance I'm going to loose my home.  Yeah.  One of the slightly more wrist-slitty thoughts but reality is reality.  I simply can't afford this nice roof over my head.  My mom has helped me out tremendously this month and without her I know I'd never have been able to be where I am for as long as I've been here, but my dad has quit his job and while he's still bringing in money, it's not like it used to be.  Even if I removed every bit of extravagance that keeps me sane- my computer, satellite, phone- I still wouldn't be able to pull it off.  So while the thought sickens me and brings me to tears, I am going to have to start seriously thinking about moving back to my parents.  At 28.  Yup.  I do believe I'm owed one "Looser" badge.  I can get those by the door?  Fantastic.  I hope they're free.

At least the relationship is going well!  Oh, wait!  No it's not!  Give me your opinion here, if you will.  Let's take this week for example.  He, the boyfriend, spends all day hanging out with his aunt and cousin.  Of course, he doesn't have a job and while he could've spent that time applying at different locations he has to, ya know, hang out with his relatives and drink coffee and smoke all day.  So he rolls in, sometimes, when I get off work around 5 or 6, and sits with me to watch some TV or whatever.  Cool.  Then he has to leave after about an hour of that to, ya know, hang out with his aunt and his cousin until about 10:30 or 11 at night when he rolls back in to fall into bed, have sex, and fall asleep.  In the morning I wake up, quietly, get dressed, quietly, and go to work, quietly, while he has a nice long sleep because he's had such a Terribly Difficult Week.  Is it just me or does it sound like I'm being used as a room and board and booty situation.

Mind you, the booty is really.... really.... -ahem-


Silver lining there I suppose.  Also, I still have the most amazing set of friends on the planet and while we don't get to speak as much as we like, I know that when it's two in the morning and I'm ready to shoot myself at least one of them will be online to talk me off of a ledge.  One will goad me into writing when I really dun wanna.  And the other will be more supportive of me than the best pair of Spanx ever invented.  Even those kind that are head-to-toe though I've always wondered where all the extra fat goes when it's squeezed down.  Do your toes explode?

Things could be worse.  I always say that then things prove me correct.  Why yes, yes we can be worse.  Would you like us to continue?  No?  Ah well, fuck you, take this, you whore.  Bazinga!

I'm also drafting a Hairstyler's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse.  I may do it in several parts or one gigantic novel depending on my state of mind.  So look forward to that!  And as always, best wishes.  Mr. Fluffy says hai too.  "CAN HAZ HAIS!" See.  Told ya.